


The Ho Bros™

by incredibly_cold, montynavarrno



Series: The Next Generation [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 19:13:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6671704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incredibly_cold/pseuds/incredibly_cold, https://archiveofourown.org/users/montynavarrno/pseuds/montynavarrno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Philip Bartow-Schuyler and Georges Washington Lafayette-Mulligan both take after their fathers. That is to say, both of them like to have sex. Whether that means with each other, or with different people, or even with each other /and/ other people depends on the situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ho Bros™

**Author's Note:**

> This was written by my friend who has been coming up with ideas/writing for this au with me. She doesn't have an Ao3 account, but you can follow her at comicbookward.tumblr.com (but really you should follow her, she's great.)

Philip Schuyler-Bartow and Georges Lafayette-Mulligan had a very unconventional relationship.  
  
If asked, they would say they were boyfriends. If pressed, they would admit that they were only a little step above friends with benefits.  
  
It worked well for them.  
  
They were probably the two most sexually active teenagers on the planet. Or at least in America.  
  
While most of their sexual activity involved each other, they weren't exactly exclusive. Both Philip and Georges were actively engaging with other people outside of their relationship.  
  
They were very safe of course. It would be hard to continue being a ho if they got an STD, or got someone pregnant. Not only were they the most sexually active teens in America, they were also the most safety conscious.  
  
Sometimes Philip and George decided to bring someone else into their relationship. It usually worked out well. All the parties involved left satisfied.  
  
One Tuesday in June was such a time when Philip and Georges decided to let someone into their relationship. That is, they invited someone to have a threesome, because being a proper ho definitely involves having the occasional threesome.  
  
The someone in particular happened to be Eliza Monroe, who preferred to be called Lizzie. All three of them knew each other from school. They were all seniors, and were working on a biology project together.  
  
Well, that was the cover they gave to Lizzie's dad.  
  
They did all go to the same school, and they were all seniors (in fact, their eighteenth birthdays all fell within a three month range of each other), but they didn't have any biology project to work on.  
  
Not in the sense that Lizzie's dad was thinking anyway.  
  
"So, where are we going?" asked Lizzie, sitting in the back of Philip's car.  
  
Philip was driving, and cursing under his breath at the bad drivers that seemed to thrive in the city. Georges took the initiative to answer. "We're going to John and Alex's house."  
  
Lizzie started. "Um, Philip? Won't your dads be home?"  
  
Philip finally stopped cursing at the truck that cut him off, and answered. "No, they're out on a business trip. They won't be back until Saturday."  
  
"Ah." Lizzie sat back in her seat, contented with the answer.  
  
"Wait." said Georges, twisting slightly to look at Philip. "Are you saying that you're basically saying 'babe come over, my parents aren't home?' Are we getting memed on?"  
  
Philip looked at Georges oddly. "Every time I invite someone over to have sex, I'm saying my parents aren't home."  
  
"I still feel like we're getting memed on."  
  
"Whatever floats your boat, Georges."  
  
******  
John and Alex were relieved to arrive back at their house.  
  
"What a waste of time." groaned John.  
  
"Well, would the aquarium really want those assholes supplying their fish? They weren't exactly great, John." Alex said, running his hands through his hair.  
  
"That's true, but I was really sort of hoping we could stay the extra days and see the city."  
  
"Fucking assholes. If they say they're gonna pay for our trip, they should pay for our trip even if our negotiations don't work out."  
  
"They paid for the days we stayed there." John pointed out.  
  
"I could lawyer them into paying for more."  
  
"No Alex, you cannot. You've lawyered enough for the rest of the week."  
  
"John, you do know I have to go into work tomorrow now right?"  
  
"No you don't. You're calling in sick."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Really? No fight about that?" John chuckled.  
  
"Nope. I just want to get inside our home and sleep for a week."  
  
"I'm with you there. Come on, unlock the door and help me with the bags."  
  
John got out of the car, and noticed his sort-of son Philip's car parked across the street. "Hey Alex, start getting the rest of the bags out. Philip is here, I'm going to ask if he can help us get the stuff inside."  
  
"Great! It's been nearly two weeks since I've seen him. I bet you'll really surprise him, showing up four days early."  
  
John laughed in agreement, and went inside the house and up to Philip's bedroom, expecting to find Philip asleep or reading or working on homework.  
  
He did not.  
  
******  
Alex was alerted that something might be wrong when he heard a scream that didn't seem to have a stopping point any time soon.  
  
He became even more suspicious when John came barreling out of the house. It appeared he was the one doing the screaming.  
  
"John! What's wrong?" asked Alex, instantly becoming worried. John rarely screamed.  
  
John screamed for several seconds more, then stopped to take a deep breath. Finally he spoke, stuttering over his words. "Never- in all my life- don't want to see-I'd rather give up working at the aquarium than see- I have to go. I need to find a bar."  
  
John started for the car, but Alex caught him. "What the fuck is going on, John?"  
  
"Fuck is exactly what's going on. Philip is- no. I can't say that. Let me go. I have to drink to forget."  
  
"I will let you go, but only if you promise to go back into the house, and face whatever is going on in there."  
  
"I can't do that."  
  
"Yes, you can. You can and you will." With that, Alex began dragging John back to the house, only to be stopped by the appearance of Philip's boyfriend Georges, who was half dressed and looking very apologetic, but with an amused twinkle in his eye.  
  
"Georges? What's going on?" asked Alex, careful to keep his voice steady.  
  
Georges grinned slightly. "Alex. We uh... We weren't expecting you back until Saturday."  
  
Alex cocked his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Um... Well..." Georges trailed off, obviously not sure what to say.  
  
"What is going on, Georges?"  
  
"What's a good way to say we thought you weren't going to be home and Philip had the great idea to have a threesome over here while you guys were supposed to be away?"  
  
John moaned as though the words physically pained him to hear. Alex's eyes got wide.  
  
"Frankly, I'm not sure there's any good way to put that. May I get into my own house, please? And send down my son and whoever else is with you as soon as they're decent. I'd like to have a word with them." Seeing Georges tense with alarm, he added, "I'm not mad, I just want to make sure that everybody is okay and I haven't caused anybody any trauma."  
  
Georges nodded, and let Alex and John in. He then headed upstairs to get Philip and the mystery guest.  
  
Alex set John down on the couch, and then sat beside him. John turned to Alex. "Can I go to a bar and drink to forget now?"  
  
"You can go as soon as we've cleared things up and sent the kids back to their houses."  
  
"That isn't what I wanted Alex."  
  
"Honestly, this talk isn't something that I want either, but it needs to happen."  
  
They sat in silence for a minute after that, and then they heard footsteps on the stairs.  
  
Georges entered the living room first, followed by Philip, who was followed by a girl that Alex thought looked very familiar.  
  
"Hello Philip. Do you mind introducing us to your friend here?" said Alex.  
  
Philip looked uncomfortable, but said, "Dad, this is Lizzie Monroe."  
  
Alex's eyes widened dramatically. "James Monroe's daughter?"  
  
Philip's posture immediately took on a defensive position. "Hey, just because her dad writes for tabloids doesn't mean she's a bad person!"  
  
Alex shook his head. "Her father tried to ruin my reputation."  
  
Lizzie Monroe spoke up then. "If it makes you feel any better, I wasn't very proud of my dad then, Mr. Hamilton."  
  
Alex looked at her for a moment. "I don't blame you. You can't control what your father writes. And you can call me Alex."  
  
Lizzie nodded. "Thanks, Alex." She looked around uncomfortably for a moment. "Um, if it's not too much trouble, can I go? My dad's office is only a couple blocks from here, and I can walk."  
  
Alex nodded. His words were more for Philip and Georges anyway. "Yes, you can leave. It was... Interesting meeting you."  
  
Lizzie blushed, started for the door, then turned back. "Also, if you could not tell my dad, that would be great."  
  
Alex frowned at this. "I don't think it's a good idea to keep things like this from your father."  
  
Lizzie shook her head frantically. "No, no, I mean I wanted to be the one to tell him. I think he'll take it better from me."  
  
"That's fine by me. If I don't ever have to speak to James Monroe again, it will be too soon. Have a good afternoon, Lizzie." Alex said.  
  
With that, Lizzie left the house. While she would get a lecture from her father about the type of boys she shouldn't be hanging around, all in all her father took the news that she was having sex very well.  
  
******  
As soon as Lizzie was out the door, Alex turned to Philip and Georges. "Really? James Monroe's daughter?"  
  
Georges shrugged. "She's hot and wanted to have sex with us. There's not much more to it than that."  
  
Alex looked at him for a moment. "All I'm saying is that you need to be careful."  
  
This time Philip spoke. "We always use protection, dad. And we make sure that those who have to worry about getting pregnant are on birth control."  
  
"That wasn't what I meant, but I am proud of you for doing that. Most teens wouldn't. What I meant was that James Monroe could start up scandals about you and Georges like he did with me and John."  
  
"Well, he'd have to implicate his daughter in order to do that." Philip shrugged.  
  
"As was proven with the Reynolds Affair, Monroe doesn't care about facts. He'll say he's telling the truth even if you have proof to your side and he has none." Alex said seriously, looking at Philip and Georges. They both looked at least a little ashamed.  
  
"That's all I'm going to say for now. I'm going to take you both home now. Georges, I know I won't have a problem with you telling your parents what happened. Philip, I expect a little resistance from you, but I'm telling you right now that your moms would rather hear it from you than from me. Let's go."  
  
******  
Alex dropped Georges off first. He went into the dining room where his dads were eating and flopped into his chair. "I have had the worst day." he groaned dramatically.  
  
"What happened, mon petit?" Lafayette asked immediately.  
  
"John walked in on me, Philip, and Lizzie Monroe having a threesome this afternoon."  
  
Hercules rolled his eyes. "I knew something like this was going to happen eventually."  
  
Georges looked at him. "You did?"  
  
"You've gotta learn how to hide your self-named ho ways better."  
  
******  
Philip's mothers took the news as expected. After checking to make sure that Philip had been using protection, Eliza Schuyler burst into giggles and had to leave her wife to talk to Philip.  
  
"As long as you're using protection, I'm okay with you being sexually active." Theodosia said seriously, though she was smiling.  
  
When it didn't look like she was going to say anything else, Philip jumped up from his seat and practically ran to his room. He wasn't going to be able to have sex for like two months after today.  
  
******  
About a week after the Incident with a capital I, Philip and Georges got called into the living room of Philip's house. When they walked in, all of their parents were sitting and waiting for them. Lafayette and Alex looked amused, Eliza, Theodosia, and Hercules looked as they always did, and John looked like he'd rather be getting stabbed multiple times than be sitting in the room at that moment.  
  
Philip looked at them warily. "What is this about?"  
  
"This is about you two and sex." Theodosia said, looking at the two of them.  
  
"None of us really care that you're having sex, so long as you're being careful, which we know you are." Hercules said.  
  
"However, we'd appreciate it if you would let us know if you plan to do something in one of our houses. Just send us a text or something."  
  
"I don't know. Somehow sending a message saying 'Hi dad, I'm having sex with your best friend's child please don't come home' really feels like it would kill the mood." said Georges.  
  
"It doesn't have to be that. Just send us an emoji or something so that we know and nothing happens that we would all regret." said Eliza, John nodding vigorously in agreement.  
  
"Please." said John. "I drank so much to forget and I can't forget."  
  
"Sorry Johndad." Philip apologized. "Honestly though, none of us really wanted this."  
  
Everyone in the agreed.  
  
After a moment of silence, Georges spoke again. "So what emoji are we going to use?"  
  
"The eggplant." said Philip immediately.  
  
"No that's too mainstream. We have to be cooler than that." said Georges. He took out his phone, and he and Philip began looking though emojis, arguing occasionally about the benefits of each one.  
  
The collective parent group looked on with some interest.  
  
"This is a very serious business." Lafayette observed, grinning as Philip argued with Georges over whether or not to use a firework emoji.  
  
"Who would think that choosing an emoji that you're going to use to tell your parents that you're having sex at their house could be so intense?" agreed Alex.  
  
Less than thirty seconds later, every single phone in the room buzzed. The message was from Georges. The message contained the chili pepper emoji, and that was it.  
  
"Is this the emoji you've settled on?" asked John, hoping that he could leave and only be reminded of this whenever he received the chili pepper emoji.  
  
"Yeah, it is." said Philip.  
  
"May I ask why the chili pepper?" said Hercules.  
  
"Well, it's simple. It really signifies that things are getting heated." Georges grinned, looking around as the joke dawned on the adults.  
  
"I cannot believe you made a joke out of the 'we're having sex emoji'." sighed Alex.  
  
"It was Philip's idea." said Georges. "Seeing as he's your biological son, Alex, you can't really be surprised."  
  
Alex smiled at Philip. "That's my boy."  
  
"Aw, thanks dad. Hey, can Georges and I go out now?"  
  
"That's fine." said Eliza. "Make good choices!"  
  
"We will!" Philip and Georges chimed together, and then they headed towards the door.  
  
"Bye dad and Johndad and Hercules and Lafayette and mom and mom!" said Philip, and then they were out of the house.  
  
Alex smiled. "I love my son so much."  
  
"Okay, yeah, great, can we go and pretend that I never walked in on your son in the first place?" groaned John, head in his hands. "I don't want to live it over any more."  
  
It was then that his phone buzzed. The message was from Philip. All it said was the chili pepper emoji.  
  
John screamed. He would never be able to forget.


End file.
